029 Regrets, We've Had a Few: Processing Our Mormon Past
“We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here now with the power to shape your day and your future.”
From a young age, we begin to consider the idea of, “What if? What if I had taken the other path/chosen the other option/tried the other thing?” Some of these “what ifs” are inconsequential - “What if I had chosen a Twix instead of a Snickers?” - while others can be literally life-changing. Did I make the right career choice? Did I marry the right person? Should I even have had children? We wonder if different decisions would have made us happier or more fulfilled, and those questions can lead us to regret, sometimes deeply, the choices we made.
Mormonism compounds this issue by providing a life script of sorts, including specific expectations about the path your life will take. From a young age, Mormon children are taught that men and women have very different, yet very clear, purposes in life, and their plans and hopes for their future lives often fall tightly in line with these notions. They may make choices based upon what Mormonism tells them is right rather than what they truly want from their lives. They may not even take the opportunity to explore their own interests, passions, or identities; rather, they default to the church’s expectations for them. For those who later leave Mormonism, grappling with the regrets they feel due to the choices they made as believers can feel overwhelming and leave them feeling unsure of how to move forward.
In this episode, Chloe, Donna, Kristin, and Oliver share some regrets they have experienced, discuss how their decisions were influenced by their Mormon beliefs, and talk about how they have moved forward in dealing with those regrets after leaving Mormonism. Navigating these feelings is still a work-in-progress for each of them, but they hope that their experiences with this so far are helpful and hopeful.
RESOURCES MENTIONED
On Marrying the Wrong Person (School of Life)
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